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Chain Reaction: On Dining in Chains

No, this is not part of some kinky dining routine…  From the beginning, I had vowed not to review restaurants that are part of national chains.  There are a number of reasons for this, not the least of which is because I wanted to concentrate on the local guy here in the Fox Valley who has put his or her heart and soul into their venture to make it successful.  (After all, corporate money is usually spent in much larger quantities than that available to most of us – especially for advertising purposes.) 

But, sometimes, Lauren and I just want a quick meal without all the fuss – or the larger bill – of dining at a “full-service” restaurant.  Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t want to simply do a drive-through for a flame-broiled burger or fillet-o-something.  On those particular occasions, we look to restaurants that fall somewhere between full-service and the traditional fast food that so many people in today’s fast-paced world seem to crave.  There seem to plenty of those “in-between” establishments around the valley.  And they are offering just the right combo of food available “in a hurry”, inside seating, reasonable menu prices and other amenities to have created a niche market enjoyed by a growing number of consumers.  The more times that we visit those types of places, the more I realize that they are just as worthy of review as any other restaurant.

Giving fair and adequate reviews of chain restaurants has always seemed difficult, mostly due to the numerous and seemingly diverse ways in which the meals are served, the service is given, the general atmosphere of the place is perceived, etc… at least until recently.  After another recent trip to a local “chain” restaurant, Lauren helped me to come up with three fairly simple, yet very descriptive and encompassing ways to be able to compare these restaurants.  The three factors are:

Hang Time (HT) – This category covers everything from the time I have to wait to see a host/hostess to the time I have to wait for my drinks and or dinner to the time I have to wait for my check.  The longer I have to wait – the higher the score.

Truth In Menu Act (TIM) – Have you ever ordered a “fresh crab melt”, only to discover that the crab was “faux” crab… or that the “dairy sour cream” was simply a “dairy substitute”, or that the “jumbo gulf shrimp” were merely popcorn shrimp at best, or… well, you get the idea for this category.  The more “fibs” we encounter, the higher the score. 

Distractions (DIS) – this is simply a measure of how much difficulty you would have trying to enjoy your dinner - either as poorly selected music blares in the background, or the smell of urinal cakes takes the place of the scent of your meal, or the waitress spilled an entire bottle of perfume on herself prior to coming to work, or even that the acoustics are so poor that you can’t carry on a conversation, without screaming, to save your life.  Distractions are many and come in various forms; the more distractions encountered, the higher the score.

The way that the scoring works: each of the above 3 factors will be rated on a scale of 0-5, with a 0 being the best score.  Final rating is simply the total of all the individual scores added up.  Obviously then, the higher the number, the lower the rating and vice-versa.  Will the final result be a core meltdown??  We’ll see!  I hope to have some fun with this, and I hope that you will too.  And, as always, I welcome your comments – good or bad, agree or disagree.

Welcome to what I refer to as the Chain Reaction… Your table is waiting!

(Remember – the worst rating for a restaurant would be a 15; the best would be 0) 
 

 
Ralph Pancetta
reviews@ralphpancetta.com